Proverbs 9:10Not that I am anywhere close to being God-wise. But on a journey to climb the hard mountain of God-awe, inspired by grace, and putting one foot in front of the other with Christ's endurance-strength.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
9 months ago when one week old Zane was in my arms, we learned some hard news.
I might not be able to have any more 'normal' children. WHAT? No more 'NORMAL?' children?!
Face-draining in the doctors office, our south american home doesn't seem like such a great idea.
When you dream about having kids of your own- you don't dream about your little down syndrome child. You don't dream about your miscarriages. You don't dream about having to have intro-uro blood transfusions 3 times and have to end with an emergency C-section at 6 months for the baby to survive. You don't dream about not being able to have kids. You don't dream about your mentally disabled child. You don't dream about your child not being born with feet. You don't dream about your child dying of a heart condition at 2 months.
The doctor down here never gave me the RhoGAM shot. I have negative blood type and my husband has positive blood. Our sweet little boy has daddy's positive blood. Usually it's not a problem in the states because they automatically give women with negative blood the shot.
Here in Ecuador 80-90 percent of all people have positive blood. They don't have enough cases to keep the RhoGAM shot on hand- or remember to administer it. So this is what can happen when you don't get the shot. Like me.
Quote found at the RhoGAM website.
"When your immune system (which fights off invaders to keep you healthy) is exposed to your baby’s Rh-positive blood, it will begin producing antibodies that are sensitized(designed specifically) to destroy these “foreign” blood cells.
If this is your first pregnancy, chances are everything will be fine. These sensitized antibodies are typically not dangerous until subsequent pregnancies, when they've had time to grow in strength and number. However, all subsequent pregnancies would be at great risk.
The antibodies then begin to destroy the red blood cells of the baby, leading to complications such as jaundice, anemia, mental retardation, and heart failure1. This condition, known as hemolytic disease of the newborn (HDN), can be fatal in the most severe cases—the infant would typically die during pregnancy or shortly after delivery."
Now the good news is there is a chance I have not developed any anti-bodies and would be a low-risk future pregnancies. This is very rare. The other sort of good news is if I am high risk there is a 50/50 chance the baby would be fine. If the next pregnancy the baby has negative blood like mine- there is no problem. The baby should go to full term.
During the next few months we were in shock. When you think you have control, that thought gets ripped right out of your head.
I was reminded about this control thing when we had our miscarriage before Zane was born. We thought it would be so easy- just get pregnant and have the baby.
We got pregnant with excitement and dreams that birthed anxiety and depression.
Thankfully God was with us through the darkness. We couldn't see to step one foot in front of the other and He was there to guide, comfort, and even catch our tears.
(oh and by the way- HUGE miracle incognito here:
I was also suppose to have the RhoGAM shot after our miscarriage. Never got it back then either. So even Zane's pregnancy was high risk and we didn't even know!!)
Back to the present:
When we first arrived in the USA this summer I got a blood test done to find out if our future pregnancies will be high or low risk.
We came to the conclusion through the 9 months of prayerful questions about our family that God knows what He is doing. And our story is here to magnify God's story. If that means our children are not 'normal'. Then that is what will bring God most glory. This even hurts to type. It even hurts to think. It hurts to admit. It crushes our dreams. But it provides a bigger vision. This life is short, eternity is what matters. God has a reason for us having to go through this. God does have a plan- even if it doesn't look like MY plan. Its a good plan. Even if from the world's eyes it seems like a horrible, terrible, no good plan. No good plans like miscarriages, high risk pregnancies or children with down syndrome.
The past 9 months I have chosen to not be overcome with worry. It was so hard. But every time the enemy wanted to make me live in anxiety about our future- I had to constantly renounce that lie. The truth is God has a great plan- even if it doesn't look like how I would plan it.
We have been waiting a month to hear the results.
During this time I have been reading a book written by Mary Beth Chapman (wife of Grammy award winning recording artist Steven Curtis Chapman). The book is called 'Choosing to SEE'. If you get a chance- you should read it. Mary talks about real hard issues like when her daughter was accidentally ran over in their back driveway. It digests loss and steps of healing (not perfection). It has been good for me through traveling through the unknown.
We found out 2 days ago the results to the test.
We were suppose to get a letter in the mail if it was good news- and a call if it was bad news to reschedule an appointment. The two week deadline came up and still no word. We were hopeful because there was no call either- but neither was there a letter.
We finally heard back from the clinic and the results were a complete miracle. The blood work was normal. It means I have NO antibodies that could potentially 'kill' another baby! NONE. God deserves all the glory. Not only that the results are what we 'wanted' to hear- but we made a decision no matter the results we would glorify God.
As I am writing this, I still sit in awe of this mighty God who is in control of blood, cells, and timing.
This song captures what my heart has been feeling for 9 months. May God receive all the glory when blessings come through rain drops and healing comes through tears.
What miracle incognito has God been working on in your life?
What blatant miracle has God written for you?